An Unwanted Future
by Blissfulcorgi
Summary: Out of all things that had happened in his life, Haruka wished this one was just a dream. But he still woke up, as real as he had always been. And there was nothing, nothing anyone could do to fix this. RinHaru, hints of MakoHaru, whatevs you'll see :3
1. Chapter 1

Haruka was sick. He did not understand what was going on with him, nor he could comprehend what was happening around him. Somewhere far, there were sounds of old songs played from a radio and winds blowing through the wind chime and birds, a lot of birds. He could hear the clock ticking and the night approaching and the time going so slowly as if wanting to mock him. They were all washed away by the roars of water drizzling down the shower, down to the floor, raining towards him, hitting his head, his eyes, his mouth, hiding his tears. All he could think about was why he was crying, but there was just a black tunnel with no end and no answer.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them, the sun had shone through his bathroom sill, bright and painful. The swimming season was here, but it felt like ending. Haruka picked up his swimsuits reluctantly. Nowadays they felt like they did not fit, and wearing them made him weary and uncomfortable. They were suffocating and cold, but he wore them anyway. Not wearing them meant that he was admitting that something was wrong, not wearing them would make him vulnerable and naked and his friends would be able to read him easily, and it was such a pain when they read wrong and they read loud and such a pain when they read right and they showed their unimaginably annoying concerns.

 _There is no one picking you up anymore, Haru. He is gone._

Something in his head unconsciously called out a name. Somebody whom he would spend every moment with, someone who swam for him, by him. But time changes everything, even him. _Even Mako, too._

Haruka wiped his hair with his towel. It was 9 AM, and he was late. The first class would start in 30 minutes. But there was no class anymore. He picked up his apron, and walked towards the kitchen. The fridge was still full of fish, as his neighbor had just gone back from what he called a successful fishing trip and packed him a lot of mackerels, his favorite. This morning, the smell of fish sickened him. Before he could grab one and prepare the fish, his reflects called for a banging close of the fridge's door, and he ran towards the bathroom, putting his fingers in his mouth, trying to make himself throw up.

 _What are you doing, Haru?_

Is what he expected to hear, but now there was just silence. And the doorbell rang. The doorbell! Haruka half ran towards the door, expecting Makoto to appear and say sorry for leaving him behind, for going away.

"Haru? You looked so messed up," the man in front of the door stated the fact.

Haruka turned his back and walked towards the living room silently. He glanced backwards, and sure enough, the man followed him inside. Tall and muscular, Rin had changed from the crybaby he once knew to the captain and now turning into professional swimmer with his buffed body ready to take on every challenge and Haruka was the only one who was left here, unchanged.

"Hey, it is time, come on," Rin pulled his arm, and Haruka glanced at his calendar.

There was nothing due for today, and on Sundays he never really had anything to do, so why today?

"Come on, we do this every Sunday," Rin's gaze was full of concern, but in his head Haruka could only see blanks.

Haruka let himself be dragged by Rin, and as they walked out of the door and into Rin's car, Haruka had to, just had to ask Rin, "where are we going?"

Rin did not say anything. It had been exactly two years since _that incidence_ and he did not want anything to do with raging Haruka. That smaller guy unexpectedly had a lot of hidden power within him, and Rin had tasted his punches and kicks enough to know better than to make turmoil in those aqua eyes.

The room was white and cold and Haruka could not breathe eventhough the windows were open and the wind slipped through the opening. Outside, greeneries and flowers grew free, leaving him caged inside.

"Do you know why we are here?" The man in white spoke to him, but his voice drowned in Haruka's thoughts.

"Haruka Nanase-san. Do you know why we meet here today?"

Haruka barely managed to shake his head. The voice was gentle, almost a whisper, but it was somehow scary, threatening. Nostalgic. Like he had heard this voice before, but he could not remember. He felt foolish, and he could not say anything about that. Haruka was always the type to keep silent no matter what he felt, and today was no acceptance. He could not erase his uneasiness, but he could not ask either.

"Nanase-san, where are your friends?"

"Huh?"

"Your teammates? Where are they?" The man repeated his question, more slowly this time.

"Nagisa is going to local college, Rei pursues Todai to be a doctor, they both on their first year now," Haruka said, "and Makoto... He is going to be a swimming teacher... He is in Tokyo."

"Is that all?" The doctor asked, his face unreadable.

Haruka nodded. Makoto left him to go and achieve his dreams, but what was this sadness and emptiness he felt? Why did he feel like he was being left forever? Did they fight? Did he do something wrong? All the thoughts rushed to him, playing with his brain like nauseating waves, each tied with another in strings of facts and fantasy.

"Is that all?" The question hung on the air, making it felt damp and heavy.

Haruka froze, he knew that there was something beyond the question. The man pulled out a metronome from under his

Haruka nodded, but his eyes were empty. He was deep in his thought, but at the same time, he was not. He was struggling, but he did not aware of what was happening. There was something that he needed to remember. Something bad, something he should not but need to. Haruka sank in the pastel sofa he sat on. Something slipped out of his mind. And like cracked dam, the drips of water cracked open a wide gap and before long thousands of forgotten memories flooded him. When he opened his eyes, it was like looking through colored googles, and he could only see red and more red.

 _It was their graduation day, and the eight of them went for barbecue. Haruka mumbled that he only ate mackerel and Nagisa whined because Rei refused to cook. Rin offered to cook but refused Gou's help, and they ended up fighting while Makoto took over the grill. Sousuke was glaring at him, and Haruka felt uneasy. The two of them was the only ones left on the table while Nitori was busy separating the siblings._

 _Sousuke said something, but it was gone from Haruka's memory. And they were going somewhere, away from the crowds. And then they did something, they must have, because Makoto shouted at Sousuke afterwards, and Haru could feel the tense atmosphere between the two of them. And Rin, hiding behind one of those bushes. And Makoto, pointing fingers, mad. Haruka had never seen Makoto being mad. He could not comprehend what was going on around him._

 _And then there were just Haru and Makoto. The two of them on a cliff. Fighting, screaming at each other. Haruka was startled that he could scream like that. He was furious, but he could not remember why. And then he felt a shove, rude, deadly, pushing him down the cliff, and he was falling down and down and when he opened his eyes, he could see Makoto in front of him, lifeless. He could see himself crawling for support, pushing himself to stand up, crying. Realizing that he held a gun, and that Makoto's head was all blown up. There were blood and more blood and splatter and pieces of what used to be Makoto._

 _And then he woke up._

 **Hi, this is Blissful Corgi!** Thank you for reading this story, this is my first story ever and I am not even sure if this is that good... Hope you like it! Please leave this amateur lotsareview

I'll update soon! Promise :3


	2. Chapter 2

If it was a dream, it was so real that Haruka woke up trembling, and his bed was all wet with sweat, his body was stiff and felt as heavy as ever. But he woke up in his room, and the clock told him that it was Monday. And yet, he could not remember yesterday, it was all gone. His blue hair trailed the drape of his blue dolphin curtain down to the floor then to the door. The door was open. Haru never left the door open. So who brought him here? His head hurt so much that Haru felt like it was going to explode.

Haruka slipped through the door and crawled down the stairs. His house was empty, like always. When he was little, his parents would travel every time and Haruka would be left on Makoto's household. They would play all day and weak Mako would always lose at everything. Mako would pretend to lose because Haru did not like to lose, even when he did not admit it. Makoto was the only one who knew Haru so well.

When he went to the bathroom, the floor was wet. Someone was here, it seemed, but Haru felt so tired after his slumber that he just filled the tub with cold water and literally jumped in. It was comforting and he started to relax. He did not know how long he stayed in the tub but the doorbell startled him yet again. It rang and rang and the only thing Haru could think was that if it was Makoto he would just let himself in without waiting for Haru to open the door. Haru sank himself into the tub, when the doorbell stopped ringing and he heard subtly the door was bein opened. Then steps. More steps. Thudding sound of someone hitting something. Curses. Then the bathroom door flew open.

"Haru..."

"Mako?" But there was no Makoto, just Rin with his unexplained expression.

Rin did not walked towards him, he did not stretch out his hand to help Haruka out of the bath. Rin just waited there, patiently, as the other boy picked his skinny self up and out of the bath. Water dripped down from his body to the floor. Ripples of thought were drowned by Rin's voices. It was loud, but the good kind of loud. It was relaxing, and Haruka could not help but to cling to those voices when he needed to. This was one of those times when he needed the voices. Haru could not help but thinking that he took Rin for granted, and that Rin deserved to be happy with someone better rather than getting stuck in Haru's own vortex. Before Haru knew it, he was in the car with Rin, heading somewhere.

"So I went to Nitori and said, 'why would you choose that guy to be the next captain?' And he was all about 'that guy looks like Rin-senpai' stuffs and so I told him..." Rib glanced towards Haru, straight to his aquamarine jewels, "Haru?"

"Hmmn?"

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I wonder..." Haru trailed off and threw his gaze outside the window, onto the endless countryside road.

It felt like hours before they finally arrived to "the new swimming place" Rin was talking about. It was a blue-silver lake with forest and flower beds surrounding it. The birds were chirping loudly and butterflies landed on colorful flowers. Haruka quickly took off his clothes, ready to jump in. Rin chuckled at Haruka's reflect, wondering if Haruka had finally gone back to who he was before. It had been so long since he last saw Haruka swimming, and the sight of his jump, of his long unused stance, mesmerized him that he forgot to take off his clothes and join in.

Haruka was midair when he saw the water under him. The silver was engulfed in his shadow, and suddenly the glittery water turned into black gooey substance. Haruka was so afraid of charging in. But he was midair, and humans were bound to fall, and so he did. The black substance swallowed him whole, first his fingertips and then his arms and he dove headfirst into the menacing pool of black. It was cold inside, and Haru could not time his breathing. He crawled upside frantically but the surface could not be seen. Halfway through, his feet was frozen stiff. He started to lose his balance then his breath then his consciousness. He floated, slowly sinking away, away from the beautiful surface, down to the cold rocks and unknown depth.

 _"You are still afraid of the sea?"_

 _"It is not the sea I am afraid of."_

 _"What is it then?"_

 _"You." Makoto's body slipped out of Haru's grip, off the cliff, down into the endless black stormy sea._

 **Hi, BlissfulCorgi here again~**

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